Thursday, 14 November 2019

The change we are not ready for...

If you are hitting this blog for the first time, well done you! I hope you get inspired in some way and that inspiration leads to an improvement in your life. My name is Elly & I write as I am led by the holy spirit or sometimes by circumstances, events and people around me...

If you are a regular on the other hand, it's been a while and its not intentional... Life's been happening but God is good!

All through July, I have been uncomfortable with my present situation (career wise) and I wrote down the paths I was considering and I began research as well as ringing up individuals in those sectors.
I was in Dubai in August and before that trip I was seriously considering working internationally and that trip was going to provide me the information I needed (lets just say, I got more fun out of the trip than information hahaha😀).

However long story short, I decided to take a short route & I rang someone who I considered really influential in one of the financial institutions and lets just say we came to the agreement that my skills needed updating before I could get what I wanted (I knew this anyways, I was thinking I could bypass some steps! cheeky right?😏)

Most times we are desperate for change but when push comes to shove, we are really not ready!

I live in the UK, and we were desperate to live the EU but it is clear we are not ready for that change!!
The impact of this is really detrimental as the uncertainty is doing more damage to us than could have ever been predicted.

If you are craving change in your life, are you really ready? Do you have the right skills to bring about this change? Do you know the implications of what the desired change might bring?
Change is much more than wishful thinking.... I am not an advocate for living in fear/mediocrity...
However if risks must be taken, they must be calculated and if we really want change, there's a preparatory phase which should not be bypassed....

On replay...

Thursday, 15 August 2019

Clarity in the details...

For the past couple weeks I have been toying with the idea of having a career change. This started with just an email that was intended for my career 7 years ago. Apparently, the recruiter had no idea I had moved on and how much had happened career wise in the past 7 years.... (smiles)

However, after I read that email, things were never the same. I always say, when God speaks, He does so in various forms. The problem is that most times we expect thunder & lightning to believe God is speaking but No! He does that in our regular day to day activities but the question is; Are you attentive?

I did not want to make a hasty move, so I went on holiday, still praying about it & thinking as well as weighing my options & re-evaluating my objectives ( For me, knowing why I take decisions is paramount & I have to agree with me!) Now I think with every passing moment, its beginning to fall in place & I am getting clarity.

When people seek my opinions on issues regarding relationships, business ventures, relocation, marriage etc, my answer is always "Give it time". This is because its something that works for me and there is always clarity in the details with time.....

Most times, we feel pressured to make quick decisions. I am not implying that you go at snail speed for the rest of your life. However if it is going to have a huge impact, the little time you put in to gain clarity, is nothing compared with a lifetime of pain if it all goes pear shaped!

Today.... Give it time!

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Friday, 17 May 2019

The Soulmate Myth...

I came across this write up some time last year and it was quite an interesting read. We all have our perceptions of what love, relationships, success etc should look like...
well... different strokes for different folks I say & not one size fits all...

What are your thoughts though 😊? Share your comments below..

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Ah, the soul mate—the perpetuating romantic myth that’s still chugging along against all odds, literally.  Assuming your soulmate is set at birth, is roughly in the same age bracket, and the love is recognizable at first sight, mathematical estimates indicate that your chances of finding your soulmate is only 1 in 10,000 (0.010%). And yet, according to a 2011 Marist poll, nearly three out of four people believe that they are destined to find ‘the one’ person out there for them.
73% of the American population believes romantic happiness is intrinsically linked to destiny
If you haven’t been soulmate rich yet, don’t blame your luck, your charm, or a blip in your destiny. Blame it on numerical probability. Let’s face it, you have a higher chance at winning the Powerball lottery than finding a mythological soulmate. The numbers just aren’t on your side. But bad odds aren’t the only reason for abandoning the myth of the soulmate. The truth is, seeking your soulmate is actually a really good way to find yourself in an unhappy marriage or alone.
Let me explain.
When you develop an image of what your ideal type or soulmate is, you create a fantasy. This fantasy consists of yearning for the feeling of being ‘in love’ which amplifies desire for an idealized lover, particularly when the apple of your eye is elusive or unavailable. Pining for that unattainable ideal becomes an enthrallment of the experience of the intense emotions of being in love, rather than a reality-based interest in the potential partner. Research shows that people who hold a strong belief in destiny are prone to lose interest in their partner much faster and are likely to give up much more easily when the relationship starts to go through hardship.
Research shows that people who hold a strong belief in destiny are prone to lose interest in their partner much faster
Say you finally meet this person that fits the hopes and dreams that you’ve been waiting for all your life. You lock eyes, the connection is fast and furious and filled with passion and intensity. Your mind then tricks you, omitting the non-soulmate qualities and amplifying the similarities and all the things that are perfect about that person. This is confirmation bias at play. Confirmation bias occurs when we are motivated by wishful thinking and attached to a certain idea to be true. Instead of seeing reality and facts, we have tunnel vision and only see evidence that supports our initial belief.
If you’re searching for your soulmate, your brain is going to try its hardest to make you find that person, but once the infatuation phase is over, that idealized person becomes just another normal, flawed human being. For too many people, this realization doesn’t set in until after they have had their fairy tale wedding and these couples have to begin the work of getting to know one another, for real this time, all over again.
For single people, too, the soulmate myth can cause problems, mainly a cycle of loneliness and confusion. Creating a false fantasy about someone can cause us to develop intense feelings for a connection that isn’t real, or amplify a spark into something more than what it really is.
Creating a false fantasy about someone can cause us to develop intense feelings for a connection that isn’t real, or amplify a spark into something more than what it really is.
This is especially true if you’re hungry for connection or in a state of desperation to meet ‘the one’. Even if there was an authentic connection or spark, when your mind races to create a fantasy future, you are no longer present. Instead, your mind is focusing on the next step of your goal, which objectifies the person to fill a void. You start latching on to the person to make you feel a certain way, and this is where the connection goes from an exchange of love and curiosity to one of attachment and neediness.
When I look back at the times where I fell hard for someone, only to be sorely disappointed by how they treated me or how the relationship didn’t progress—it was clear—I wasn’t basing my feelings on reality, I was high on my own fantasy. I would have an idea in my head on who my perfect person was, and then I’d meet someone who resembled that picture and suddenly my soul mate alarm bells go off. The expectations, the fantasies I created were really a result of me idolizing an idea of a person that fit the picture in my head.
It’s more realistic to view a soulmate experience as a connection you build with a partner, versus one that you stumble upon instantaneously as a result of destiny. The former is a choice, where you do the work to make love and connection happen, versus waiting for love to magically happen to you.
If a long, lasting healthy relationship is what you’re after, then forget everything that the fairytales, love songs and romantic movies taught you about love at first sight. According to Dr. John Gottman, the founder of The Gottman Institute in Seattle, two people who focus their energy on building something meaningful together in their life, tend to have the longest lasting relationships.
Two people who focus their energy on building something meaningful together in their life, tend to have the longest lasting relationships.
He also summarizes that how a couple interacts is the most important aspect of creating a healthy relationship. In other words, it’s not about magic–it’s about how well you get along, how you communicate and how you move through time together. Some couples naturally excel at one or more of these things and for other couples, it takes more work. But when it comes down to it, you choose the person you end up with and you have to keep choosing that person to make a real romance work.
Now, isn’t that far more empowering?
Rather than searching for the elusive 1 in 10,000, go ahead and date someone you can build something with, who shares your vision for a good life, and is willing to learn how to create a healthy relationship dynamic. Perhaps then, you can say you’ve got a soulmate in the making.

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People Collector!

If I have not learnt a lot in life, I have learnt that every single thing as well as every single person in our lives, happens for a reason....