Style Me!

You see me! your right, however I see the blue sky, what a lovely weekend this has been. In the whole of June, I havent had a saturday to myself, whewwww. Anyways wanted to share something different and what more can I share but my lovely self hahaha, sometimes I feel this blog is to serious lol! Anyways like I say its inspirational and if you want the gossip et al, you know where to go.

There is no perfect situation in life, sometimes the only blessing you have to count, is the blessing of your heartbeat. Everyday is a gift, be grateful to God.
















                                     Yea and something for Gents
           
This has actually been on the shelf for about three years but today I fell in love with it surprisingly. I just love the fragrance, it kinda combines delicacy to manhood. Its quite sensual, anyways you might think otherwise, but all the same, add it to your collection, I dont think you would go wrong. The ladies surely love 'em lol.

Its the start of a new month in a few hours peeps and the second half of the year. Had a rough first half? Dont be discouraged, go into the second half with the one who is there already and with your hopes anchored on Him, unshakeable faith and can do attitude, the sky is your starting point. *Bless*

SEX SCARS!

I read this really inspiring article from Cecelia Simons blog, stunning lady I must say and cream of the crop is, she loves the Lord. It might not be the most popular topic but at the end of the day, we are a product of the choices we make. *THINK LONGTERM*

YOU ARE SO WORTH THE WAIT…

The other  week on FaceBook I mentioned how my heart grieved for someone concerning sex before marriage and that I was praying for them. That burden remains as I type today and most likely will remain because that particular subject is my purpose and I am so passionate about it. I want girls to understand how beautiful they are in God’s eyes and how valuable the treasure they carry around on the inside of them is. Although I have given the burden over to God, it is my desire to prevent those who come after me from making the same mistakes I made. Now, for the second time and second attempt to write this blog ( I tried to write this before we went on vacation and it was deleted…the devil thought he won…NOT!)  it goes out specifically to those who desire a more intimate realtionship with God, but sexual sin is preventing you from coming to Him with your whole heart. Satan has convinced you that you’re not worthy and as a result,  you feel guilty and ashamed.

Now, let’s just put the devil in his place and set the records straight. The bible reminds us in Romans 8 verses 35, 38and 39  (KJV) that NOTHING can come between God’s love for us!

35. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

38. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39. Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

This is one of my favorite scriptures to read because God reminds us that He loves us unconditionally! His love is everlasting  and NOTHING you do can change how much Jesus loves you! Even when we feel what we’ve done is so nasty, ugly, perverted, and freaky,  God STILL loves us and He won’t ever stop! We make the mistake by disowning Him, but he will NEVER disown us! He loves us too much to leave us! How great is our God?!! I know, right!!!

However, this is what He has to say about sexual sin, and it hurts him to see us engage in an activity that  is meant to be carried out in a marriage relationship.

1Corinthians 6:18 says, “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is sin against your own body.” (NLT)

Now, I love this scripture too, and WISHED I would’ve had someone sit down and read it with me when I was going through a season when I didn’t understand my worth and value my body. Knowing and applying this to my life would have helped me avoid a lot of pain, heartache, and tears. I was a mess,but now, it is my ministry!! PRAISE GOD!

So, what does sexual sin mean? How does it hurt and harm us? Glad you asked!

I believe that sexual sin is one of  the greatest sins you can comitt, not because it’s greater than any of the others, such as murder, lieing, stealing, cheating, etc. but what I mean is that, the affects and consequences of having sex before marriage harms not only your physical body, but emotional, mental, and spiritual body as well ! The activity of sexual sin before marriage gets on the inside of you, and it takes YEEEEAARS, some times even decades to receive freedom from it’s torment!!

The scripture says, “for sexual inmorality is sin against your own body.”  Simply stated, instead of smoking cigarettes, just ask the attendance clerk behind the counter at the corner store to give you cancer! or, instead of drinking alcohol, just ask the cashier who sells you the liquor to give you blood disease and cause your liver and kidneys to fail and then you die, but 1000 times worse!!

The bible says it like this in 1 Corinthians 6:15-16 (NLT)

15. “Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never!

16. “And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the scriptures say, the two are united into one.”

We all know, or have concluded that a prostitute is someone who engages in sexual intercourse for money, correct? Correct.  (Don’t you just love how I answer my own question:) This is true…However, not completely. According to the definition on dictionary.com,  we’ve failed to embrace the whole definition. It is true, that a prostitute sells his/her body for money, but dictionary.com also states that a person who willingly uses his or her talent or ability in an unworthy wayis also considered a prostitute.

Now, based on the definition from dictionary.com AND scripture, if you are joining yourself with someone in sexual activity before marriage, then you are becoming one with that person. If they are willlingly using his or her talent and ability in an unworthy way, according to scripture and by definition, you and the one you are with is prostituting your body. I know, kinda harsh, but the truth cuts, hurts and then HEALS! The scripture says when you join with someone who is NOT your spouse, you become ONE with them. Women receive what the man gives and the man receives what the woman gives. Unwanted spirits, disease, and matters of the heart are being transferred. A sexual transaction is taking place. You bought what you paid for and many times the moment was NOT worth the money! Why? Because there are lasting affects of having  sexual intercourse with someone you are not in a covenant, married relationship with that goes deeper than the surface. This man or woman is not just touching your body, you are allowing them to touch your soul!!

The Word of God reminds us to “protect our hearts at all cost”…because out of it flows the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23)

So let’s take a look at how having sex before marriage hurts our hearts when we fail to protect it!

1. Someone will ALWAYS get hurt!

After the deed is done, you feel like you own him and he feels like he owns you. You get jealous when he speaks to the girl on the other isle in the grocery store and you begin to pout for the rest of the afternoon. He gets angry when you smile at the guy serving your food at the restaurant and doesn’t call you for a week. Now both of you are upset because you have given your treasure away, you feel violated and ashamed.  Why? because there hasn’t been a mutual, relationship COMMITMENT to one another. When the relationship has been comitted to Christ through a  marriage covenant, there’s no need to be jealous. Both husband and wife are subject to God’s authority as a married couple and they live by what the bible says about marriage. When you are not married you are free to do as you wish. He can speak to whom ever he wants and she can smile at every boy that passes by because you have not paid the price for her called marriage and vice versa.

2. The Risk of Disease and Death

When your body is not comitted to one person, you run the risk of transferring bodily fluids to one another. This in turn creates AIDS, STD’s, pain and pregnancy! In most cases, new exposures to STDs that you have had in the past can cause you to get the infection again. Most treatments don’t protect you from developing the STD at a future time. If your partner has not been treated, you may pass the infection back and forth. Without the right precautions, you could acquire a second STD or a recurrence of the same infection. AND we all know condoms do NOT protect from disease or pregnancy!

Look at what God has to say about it…

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NLT)

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

Your body is a holy temple unto God. Respect it and others will also. What you allow, others will accept. Set standards. Don’t compromise. Trust God to meet all of your needs…and YES, that one t00!

3. Your Personality is Affected

When I mentioned previously about spirit transference, I’d like to expound on that now a bit. There are times when you may feel lonely and desperate. You  may feel like killing someone or even yourself. Privately you think to yourself, “Where in the world are these thoughts coming from?” You know you would never do such a thing, but these thoughts you’re having, have confused and misled you. You know you’re  not the type of person who would kill anybody and you can’t figure out where these feeligs are coming from. Well friends, I know, I’ve been there and I’m here to help!

Those feelings my dear are coming from people you have allowed yourself to be ONE with. Remember what the scriptures say, when you join yourself to a prostitute (one who uses his/her abilities and talents in an unworthy way) you become ONE with them. You thought you just became one with their body, but  when God speaks about oneness, He refers to being ONE in SPIRIT. Remember, I told you,  the affects are long lasting and deeper than the surface? You my friend take on the feelings, personality, and characteristics of the person you chose to join yourself with. That is why God commanded  the MARRIAGE relationship to be between a man and a woman. It is not until after committing their relationship to God in marriage,  the married man and woman have the right and privilege  to engage in sexual intecourse. Consequently, if you are not married, not only do you take on the personality of the one you were with, but EVERYONE that he has been with, and they have been with, etc. etc.YES, my friends, ERRRRRYBODY!

 It’s not uncommon for people to have multiple partners when they’re not married and PLEASE don’t be too gullible to think you’re the only one, if he hasn’t committed himself to you through God by a marriage covenant, it’s likely you’re NOT the only one!

Friends, there’s no need to jump into bed with everyone who says they will have you. You are so much more valuable to God than that. He loved you so much, He died for you. So, next time you’re in the bed with someone that’s not your husband, ask him does he love you enough to die for you like Jesus did,  then wait on the answer. If he says “No”, then run as fast as you can away from him and never talk to him again!  If he says “Yes” then tell him to prove it in marriage!

I know because I’ve traveled down this road  many days seeking in men what only God could give me. His love and compassion is everlasting. Man’s touch has never made me  feel the way God’s touch does. He satisfies my every desire and after being  intimate in worship with Him I don’t walk away feeling guilty and ashamed. I acutally feel free, whole and safe. Sisters and Brothers, make a vow to God and yourself this day to let God meet everyone of your needs ’cause if I had any regrets in life at this point, it would be that I’d saved myself for marriage.

Let us pray,

God thank you for reminding us of how valuable we are to you. You said you’ll never leave us nor forsake us. You’ve promised to meet everyone of our needs. Father, we cry out to you and ask you to remove all the guilt, shame and pain our past  mistakes have brought upon us and forgive us oh God, of our sins. We commit our bodies to you from this day forward and we thank you that when temptation comes you have already made a way of escape. In Jesus name we pray, Amen!

HOMEWORK: Make a list of every guy or girl you’ve slept with that was not your husband or wife on a sheet of paper. Name every last one of them. If you can’t remember ask God to help you remember. Then when you have finished writing down all the names, fold  it and say this prayer…

Lord, I give these people back to you. They no longer have control over my thoughts, emotions, or my body. Heal me from the pain, wounds, and scars they may have left behind and bless them like you never have before. I am no longer a slave to sexual sin or my past, I am free to walk in your ways, In Jesus name, Amen!

After you have said this prayer, then light a match to the piece of paper with all the names written, and BURN IT!! Watch it go up in flames and  disgard the ashes. This activity symbolizes your freedom in Christ and your new commitment to God to protect and keep your body until marriage. I’ve done this activity myself. I’m cheering you on every step of the way!!!  ) U CAN, and U WILL because the power lies withIN YOU!

XOXOXO

-Cecelia(http://caterpillarstransformedis.me/2013/06/28/you-are-so-worth-the-wait/)

'FAITH IS'

.....Lord increase our faith Lk17:5 Faith answers the question, ‘How?’ with one word: ‘God!’ The Bible says, ‘Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen’ (Hebrews 11:1 NKJV). Notice: 1) Faith is a ‘substance.’ Some people see faith as something ethereal and ‘other worldly.’ But it’s not; we use faith every day. For example, you pick up the phone, call a department store, place an order, and they ask for your credit card number. Then they send you a receipt. The receipt is what you hold on to while you’re waiting for the item to arrive - it gives you the assurance that the product is on the way. And the same is true in the spiritual realm. God promises to answer your prayer, you believe Him, but your faith is the ‘substance’ or the receipt you hold on to while you’re waiting. 2) Faith is also ‘evidence.’ Why would you believe that someone you can’t see on the other end of a phone line would send you something just because you order it? Because it happens every day for others, and it’s probably happened to you before. Therefore you’re not being presumptuous or silly when you go to your letterbox expecting it to be there. You are not the first person to trust God and you won’t be the last. ‘Lord, You have been our dwelling place in all generations’ (Psalms 90:1 NAS). People have been trusting God for thousands of years and He has never let them down. His faithfulness is all the ‘evidence’ you need. So it’s not foolish to put your trust in a God like that, is it?(http://www.ucb.co.uk/word-for-today.html) And when we can cry out for more of Him, he gives us All of Him. Make God your source of life, joy, fullness, fulfillment and everything, you will never go wrong.

Lessons From Wimbledon

The 2013 Wimbledon  tournament kick started a few days ago, and as we all know Wimbledon is the worlds most prestigious glam slam for a couple reasons;
Wimbledon's prestige comes from its longevity.

Wimbledon is the oldest tennis tournament in the world, dating all the way back to 1877. When you win at the event, you are part of a history that extends past a century.

The tournament has also witnessed some of the greatest tennis players to ever play this game. That includes Roger Federer, Pete Sampras and the late Brit WilliamRenshaw, who have each captured seven Wimbledon titles. Renshaw, if your memory is a bit murky, won his first Wimbledon championship in 1881.



However this year, the tournament has unveiled quite some bombshells with the favourite stars being knocked out just at the start. In my opinion, life holds a lot in stock for us most of which we will never be able to pre-empt but the manner in which this happens often leave us gobsmacked. When you are worlds number one, you never expect to be beaten  by the hundred and sixty fifth person. However, life is what it is.  Thinking of the whole tournament, a few lessons drop in my heart which I have been sharing with a couple people. Everything, every situation, and every person gives me a different inspiration. And I say, I am really growing up not GROWN UP, watch my language there, anyways that is a topic for another day.
Lessons Learned;

• Success is a journey not a destination, you have to keep working at it and making improvements/ necessary updates constantly
• Dont under estimate the potential of anybody, a nobody today could be an Icon tomorrow, remember a day begins a story
• Losing is not the end, it just means, you have got some adjustments to do
• Life is no competition, however mediocrity is not acceptable. You must work at being the best you can be, its always better to try than experience the bad taste of regret. 

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts".
Winston Churchill

Dont FIGHT IT

In the past few months, I have gone from blogger to talk show host, not to mention my full time job, other charity work I am engaged in, some presentations etc I constantly have to make and lately party planner. Yes!!! And if you ask me how I do it, I say I can do ALL things through Christ. And by His grace I am not doing badly lol! Today however as I return from shopping for party favours quite a distance from my location and having to wait in traffic for most part of it,(thank God I was not the one driving lol). I come back really tired and as I get dinner set, I just tried to listen to music but ended up listening to Joel Osteen, and if you ask me, it made my day. Hes message in this clip was so amazing with so much truth revealed. Do listen and as you do, may the entrance of His word, illuminate your soul.

The Brevity Of Life

On my way to work two days ago, the traffic was terrible, it was in fact chock-a-block and the cars were actually at a halt for what seemed to look like hours on end, and at this point, passengers began to alight from the buses and it seemed to be like there was a charity walk, as there were more pedestrians than cars.
On inquiry however, we were told there was an accident. After about 45 mins of arriving at work however, the police was in my office. Apparently it was a tragic incident and the man involved was going to be dead in a matter of minutes, he was actually a cyclist hit by a vehicle and at that point he was already brain dead and they couldn't find anything on him to enable them contact his family. The only link was a card found on him for the company I work for, and they were there to find out if we could give them more information about the man so that his family could see him before the life support machine was finally switched off. The man in question was just 42 years of age.

This was a regular monday for this man, going about his regular business, possibly using the regular route and cycling pass the familiar neighbourhood  but it was indeed a different one and was going to be his last.
As I sat on my desk and empathized with his family I had not seen, I couldnt help but wonder what that morning had been like in his household, if he had an argument with his wife, or if they had made great plans for the weekend or booked the family holidays, or promised to pick the kids from school and the entire situation made me realise again that death is inevitable and once breath seizes, nothing else matters.

The bible says in Ecclesiastes 7:2 that death is the destiny of every man, however at our demise, what footprint will we leave on the people who knew us, as friends, family, colleagues, neighbours, acquaintances etc???




No day is guaranteed, death is inevitable but however we pray for longevity but in the midst of life and all its frenzy its easy to forget the imminent. The bible in Proverbs 16:1 says "To man belongs the plans of his heart but the reply thereof is from God".
As I write, the question that boggles my mind is that. if today were to be my last, what will I do differently, say differently, which peace truce will I want permanently, which love will I give/show freely, who will I support financially, what grudge will I let go of quickly and most especially how will my perception of life change?
The bible says after death comes judgment! Are we ready to face the Man who has given all for us and calls us to live our lives in the light of His love and word?
                                                           *THINK LONGTERM*

5 Keys to Inspiring Leadership, No Matter Your Style

I am strongly of the opinion that leaders are made not born, you might however have a contrary opinion. But before you can lead anyone, I also believe that you must be a person who has mastered yourself, you must be disciplined, have been properly mentored, have a clear understanding of where you are going and also you must have been a good follower.
Being a good leader dosent necessarily mean leading thousands, or hundreds of thousands, millions etc. But in your little circle, be it your family as a parent, sibling, friend, line manager etc how many lives have you successfully influenced positively, do you have clearly defined visions that either your family, colleagues and friends can key into? I read this lovely article and what better time to share it than on a Monday? Do have a lovely week and make this week a different one by impacting more lives as you get more inspiration from this article.

Forget the stereotypical leadership image of a buttoned-up person in a gray suit hauling around a hefty briefcase. Today, standout leaders come in all shapes and sizes. She could be a blue jeans-clad marketing student, running a major ecommerce company out of her dorm room. He might be the next salt-and-pepper-haired, barefoot Steve Jobs, presenting a groundbreaking new device at a major industry conference.

"Our research indicates that what really matters is that leaders are able to create enthusiasm, empower their people, instill confidence and be inspiring to the people around them," says Peter Handal, chief executive of New York City-based Dale Carnegie Training, a leadership-training company.Forget the stereotypical leadership image of a buttoned-up person in a gray suit hauling around a hefty briefcase. Today, standout leaders come in all shapes and sizes. She could be a blue jeans-clad marketing student, running a major ecommerce company out of her dorm room. He might be the next salt-and-pepper-haired, barefoot Steve Jobs, presenting a groundbreaking new device at a major industry conference.

That's a tall order. However, as different as leaders are today, there are some things great leaders do every day. Here, Handal shares his five keys for effective leadership:

1. Face challenges.

Great leaders are brave enough to face up to challenging situations and deal with them honestly. Whether it's steering through a business downturn or getting struggling employees back on track, effective leaders meet these challenges openly. Regular communications with your staff, informing them of both good news and how the company is reacting to challenges will go a long way toward making employees feel like you trust them and that they're unlikely to be hit with unpleasant surprises.

"The gossip at the coffee machine is usually 10 times worse than reality," Handal says. "Employees need to see their leaders out there, confronting that reality head-on."

2. Win trust.

Employees are more loyal and enthusiastic when they work in an environment run by people they trust. Building that trust can be done in many ways. The first is to show employees that you care about them, Handal says. Take an interest in your employees beyond the workplace. Don't pry, he advises, but ask about an employee's child's baseball game or college graduation. Let your employees know that you're interested in their success and discuss their career paths with them regularly.

When employees, vendors or others make mistakes, don't reprimand or correct them in anger. Instead, calmly explain the situation and why their behavior or actions weren't correct, as well as what you expect in the future. When people know that you aren't going to berate them and that you have their best interests at heart, they're going to trust you, Handal says.

3. Be authentic.

If you're not a suit, don't try to be one. Employees and others dealing with your company will be able to tell if you're just pretending to be someone you're not, Handal says. That could make them question what else about you might be inauthentic. Have a passion for funky shoes? Wear them. Are you an enthusiastic and hilarious presenter? Get them laughing. Use your strengths and personality traits to develop your personal leadership style, Handal says.

4. Earn respect.

When you conduct yourself in an ethical way and model the traits you want to see in others, you earn the respect of those around you. Leaders who are perceived as not "walking their talk" typically don't get very far, Handal says. This contributes to employees and other stakeholders having pride in the company, which is an essential part of engagement, Handal says. Also, customers are less likely to do business with a company if they don't respect its values or leadership.

5. Stay curious.

Good leaders remain intellectually curious and committed to learning. They're inquisitive and always looking for new ideas, insights and information. Handal says the best leaders understand that innovation and new approaches can come from many places and are always on the lookout for knowledge or people who might inform them and give them an advantage.

"The most successful leaders I know are truly very curious people. They're interested in the things around them and that contributes to their vision," Handal says.

Read more: http://www.entrepreneur.com/

Three Rules For Living

For the Lord gives wisdom

Proverbs 2:6 

To succeed in life you must do these three things: 1) Decide what's important. The story's told of a family who moved to the country to get away from the city. They decided to raise cattle so they bought a ranch. One day a friend visited them and asked what they'd named it. Dad said, 'I wanted to call it The Flying-W, but Mom wanted to call it The Suzy-Q. One of our sons liked The Bar-J, but our daughter preferred The Lazy-Y. So we compromised and called it The Flying-W, Suzy-Q, Bar-J, Lazy-Y Ranch.' The friend asked, 'How are your cattle doing?' Dad replied, 'We don't have any. They didn't survive the branding.' Come on, decide what's important to you! 2) Prioritise your time. Too many of us are like the store owner who got so busy trying to keep the place clean that he forgot to open the front door. The reason you're in business is to serve customers and make a profit, not get distracted by secondary things. Base your life's decisions on your priorities. And if you need help figuring out what they are, ask God: 'For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.' 3) Learn to motivate yourself. Most times, nobody else will. When tragedy struck his life, we read: 'David encouraged himself in the Lord...' (1 Samuel 30:6). You need to learn how to do that too. Jude writes: '...building up yourselves...praying in the Holy Ghost' (Jude v. 20). To succeed in life you must learn to encourage yourself, pray and build yourself up (www.ucb.co.uk/word-for-today)

Ellys Thoughts

At some point, its not about being intelligent/smart, but its all embedded in Hard work, Resilience and Gods grace. Be the difference!

Thoughts On The Go!

ellyeleanor (@ellyeleanor1) tweeted at 8:29 AM on Thu, Jun 20, 2013: Its a beautiful morning, an amazing God, a bright future, a sure foundation. Believe God for the Best cos He's able http://t.co/x1r7KTvQyy (https://twitter.com/ellyeleanor1/status/347617175340740608) Get the official Twitter app at https://twitter.com/download

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

I said sometime ago, that I am determined to make my passion so contagious and yes I can see I am doing a good job at that, because of the calls and messages I receive regarding various topics. There are also a few people who intend to contribute to the topics discussed and every now and again as I receive the write ups, I will have them published. When I spoke about my passion, I said I plan to launch a talk show and God willingly, its happening sooner than expected. On the 31st of August, 2013, there will be a launch of the TV talk show, Real Christian, Real Issues, Real God, and its themed CHAT WITH ELLY,  will keep you updated so just keep track on the blog. However if you have got any contributions, email me on ellyeleanor123@gmail.com,  my digits-+44 7456 012 731.
You can also follow me on twitter @ellyeleanor1.

And I opened my mail, to see that one of the lovers of this blog sent a topic, she wanted published which was impressed upon her heart to write on, and as I started reading, I felt I had a journal right before me, and an interesting one at that, keep it coming dear, good write up. Enjoy the Read!

EMOTIONAL ABUSE 

By : Missi

Did you know that one in every four women will be a victim of domestic violence in her lifetime? Even more concerning is that most women are afraid to report abuse by an intimate partner. Domestic violence is one of the most chronically underreported crimes, with only approximately one-quarter of all physical assaults and one-fifth of all rapes being reported to the police. But what about when the abuse doesn't leave physical marks? Gunta Krumins, BA, PMP, author of The Detrimental Effects of Emotional Abuse, says psychological or emotional abuse isn't readily reported and, because it is hard to prove, is essentially a silent epidemic that many women wrongly endure. 

What is Emotional Abuse?

Abuse is any behaviour that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as intimidation and manipulation.

Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones (Engel, 1992, p. 10).

Types of Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can take many forms. Three general patterns of abusive behaviour include aggressing, denying, and minimizing.

Aggressing

• Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing, blaming, threatening, and ordering. Aggressing behaviours are generally direct and obvious. The one-up position the abuser assumes by attempting to judge or invalidate the recipient undermines the equality and autonomy that are essential to healthy adult relationships. This parent-to-child pattern of communication (which is common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser takes an aggressive stance.
• Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised as “helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analysing, probing, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances, however, these behaviours may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer relationships.

Denying

• Invalidating seeks to distort or undermine the recipient’s perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge reality. For example, if the recipient confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, “I never said that,” “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” etc.
• Countering occurs when the abuser views the recipient as an extension of themselves and denies any viewpoints or feelings which differ from their own.

Minimizing

• Minimizing is a less extreme form of denial. When minimizing, the abuser may not deny that a particular event occurred, but they question the recipient’s emotional experience or reaction to an event. Statements such as “You’re too sensitive,” “You are too emotional”,  “You’re exaggerating,” or “You’re blowing this out of proportion” all suggest that the recipient’s emotions and perceptions are faulty and not to be trusted.
• Trivializing, which occurs when the abuser suggests that what you have done or communicated is inconsequential or unimportant, is a more subtle form of minimizing.
• Denying and minimizing can be particularly damaging. In addition to lowering self-esteem and creating conflict, the invalidation of reality, feelings, and experiences can eventually lead you to question and mistrust your own perceptions and emotional experience.

Understanding Abusive Relationships

When we usually talk about emotional abuse, we refer to this kind of relationship. In most cases it is only one of the partners is abusive and the abused partner is not aware of the abuse or is trying to make the other partner stop the abuse. The abused partner tends to accept the aggression  from the abuser because he/she is scared of leaving the relationship, because of the fact that he/she feels it deserves to be abused or because love feelings that prevent him/her from leaving their abusing partners. The only way in which the victim can contribute to being abuse is having too much of an understanding attitude. 

Are You Abusive to Yourself?

Often we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. If we feel contempt for ourselves or think very little of ourselves, we may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to us. If we are willing to tolerate negative treatment from others, or treat others in negative ways, it is possible that we also treat ourselves similarly. If you are an abuser or a recipient, you may want to consider how you treat yourself. What sorts of things do you say to yourself? Do thoughts such as “I’m stupid” or “I never do anything right” dominate your thinking? Learning to love and care for ourselves increases self-esteem and makes it more likely that we will have healthy, intimate relationships.

THE DEADLY CANCER-PORNOGRAPHY!!

Its really pathetic, how much pornography has eaten deep into this generation. Gradually it has warmed its way into lives and homes having an effect that has ruined lives of not just the addicts but their victims, I call it the deadly malignant cancer that is spreading like wild fire across all ages. Of late the issue of child pornography and the effect its hard especially after the cold murder of the 5 year old April Jones and others stirs up so much unrest for me and I cant help but what this generation is turning into. Anyways everyday, we have a choice and I requote  “An intelligent person can rationalize anything, a wise person doesn't try.” 

― Jen knox (for all you out there who always want to rationalize, be wise)

Below is an excerpt from a devotional I love, you can visit their web page for your daily inspiration http://www.ucb.co.uk/word-for-today.html 

DON’T GO THERE!

‘I will set before my eyes no vile thing...’

Psalm 101:3

Fearing the population growth of the Israelites, Pharaoh told the Hebrew midwives, ‘When you help the Hebrew women in childbirth and observe them on the delivery stool, if it is a boy, kill him…’ (Exodus 1:16 NIV). This word ‘stool’ is the same word that’s used to describe a potter’s wheel. If satan can destroy you while you’re still on the wheel, in the process of being formed, he’s accomplished his goal. And today one of his strategies for destroying men and boys is pornography. David’s affair with Bathsheba began with the words, ‘From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone [to get] her’ (2Samuel 11:2-3 NIV). Looking back on this painful chapter in his life, David wrote, ‘I will walk in my house with a blameless heart. I will set before my eyes no vile thing. According to the Chicago Tribune, a man named Joe from Rockford, Illinois, ran a live Internet sex site called Video Fantasy. Joe had a ten-year-old son. On his home computer Joe installed filtering software to limit what his son could do on the Internet. Joe explained: ‘It’s not that I keep him sheltered, but my wife and I pay close attention to what he reads, what he watches on TV and what he does on the computer, because we have a responsibility to him to be the best parents we can.’ What hypocrisy! Pornography is as addictive as any drug. It puts images on file that mould your mind, images the devil can replay and use to enslave you. So, don’t go there!

Boy/Man/Husband/Father

In most parts of the world today, fathers all over the globe are honoured as we universally appreciate the men in our lives as fathers regardless of them being biological fathers, husbands, brothers, mentors or spiritual leaders. However every man has the ability to procreate but not all have the ability to be fathers because being a father does not come by default, as a result of ones gender. Being a father is inculcated in a life from the time the child is conceived. The attitude, skills, character, are all inculcated right from the cradle. Because fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wings. Only one thing endures and that is Character-Horace Greeley. And this character begins with an act, that grows into a habit and in the long run defines an individual. Train your boys to love God, to be hardworking, to truly respect women and also mean it from their heart when they proclaim love to women, not to run around making babies indiscriminately with different women, teach them to be hardworking, because hard work does not kill, also teach them that as they work hard, they should learn to prioritise for no amount of work/money can take the place of family. Let them know that they might be head of their homes, but they will still stand before God to give account of the destruction or success of those homes. Let them know that no matter how terrible a mistake they make, there is always a new start, if they take the bull by the horn and learn to swallow their pride. Show me a good father and I will show you a man who has been properly brought up by a good woman. Prov 22;6 says train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. I am blessed to have a wonderful father, I dont say it because its fathers day, but because its real. Its so funny that even his wife uses it to get back at him because she knows the love we have for each other and that my dad does not want to disappoint me in anyway, and most times she uses it to get him on track and she goes "elly will not be happy if she gets to know" and at that my dad makes a 360 degree turn around from what the issue might be lol. However I realise that some may not be prviledged and for all the single mums out there, all widows, all children who have been abandoned by their father or lost their dad untimely, in a time like this I want to remind you that our perfect father in heaven is a loving God who will never leave you nor forsake you. And If He is all you have got, then He is all You need. Best days are ahead, keep believing. Decided to add this track for you all out there. Enjoy!

Ellys Thoughts...

A colleague, was speaking to her husband over the phone just ear-shot from me, and clearly I could tell they were deciding on what to have for dinner. The conversation however ended with a quick "I love you" and at that I smiled and I asked must you always affirm that? To that she responds "Elly touch wood, you never know what happens when I walk through the door, and I want that to be the last thing he remembers God forbid, if anything happens". Trust me and the way I probe lol cos I go further to say, dont tell me you say it for the sake of it and she goes, "Elly its become part of us and we say it because we love each other, there are equally days when we have really bad arguments and over the phone, I  angrily say bastard and still end with a quick I love you(smiles). The things our emotions make us do.
Because of the distance in  location, between my dad and myself, he received his fathers day gift quite early yesterday precisely. And it really took him by suprise, it wasnt a lot trust me, but it left a big impact and a phone conversation that will be unforgettable.

I keep saying, its the little things we do, that make a huge difference. It might just be that needed word, that encouragement, that call, that hug, that note or even a listening ear, that brightens the day of someone else and might even be the last reflection they have of you as they leave the earth.

We should never take for granted, the blessings God has surrounded us with in the form of  family, friends, neighbours, colleagues etc. The more we see the good in people and celebrate people, the happier our lives become. Same goes for our love for God, He has called us His masterpiece. What does it mean to be Gods own masterpiece? If we understand that, we begin to see that no plan of the enemy can abort Gods plan for us.He chose us amidst our imperfections and He says, I have loved you with an everlasting love. Everyday is a blessing from the Father.
Enjoy His Blessings and Be the Blessing
(Need more inspiring words? Follow me on twitter @ellyeleanor1)

So You Call Yourself A Man??

I published an article few months back about pocket squares, and I am so amazed because, almost everyday, its been read. I believe a lot of men are getting tips from that, I would put a price very soon on that particular post you know hahaha.  Anyways I was guest speaker on monday on a radio show to which I was invited  and it was really a lovely time, and for all of you that listened in and have been calling  since then, I want to say a BIG THANK YOU. And I am glad to say that I should be on air, fortnightly on www. londonchristianradio.com. Will keep you posted when I commence.

Its been an extremely busy week, and coming back from a presentation today, I couldnt be bothered to pull out the book I had in my bag to read, but as I surfed the internet for some offers, look what I came across, YES. Keep reading. I was really intrigued and guess most of you guys will love me for this information. Some may sound so basic but its amazing how they are often left out.

But please I have got a problem with numbers 17 and number 16 keeps cracking me up and please I believe number 14 has evolved with time??  Over to you Guys, what do you think. 

Below are twenty-five pieces of vital information that every man over 14 in the Western world should know. Every man. No excuses. Seriously. Seriously.

1. Unbutton the bottom button of your jacket. It’s not intended to be buttoned.
2. Same goes for your vest.
3. Remove the tags on the sleeves of your jacket before you wear it.
4. Jackets sometimes come with white basting thread on their shoulders or holding closed their vents. Remove this thread before wearing the jacket.
5. Jacket pockets are intended to be opened. Use a small scissor or seam ripper.
6. More than three jacket buttons is never appropriate for anything.
7. On a three-button coat, buttoning the top button is optional, and some lapels are rolled so as to make the top button ornamental. In other words: if buttoning the top button seems wrong, it is.
8. Brown shoes, brown belt. Black shoes, black belt.
9. Belt or suspenders. Never belt and suspenders.
10. Your jacket sleeve should be short enough to show some shirt cuff - about half an inch. 
11. Your pants should end at your shoes without puddling. A slight or half break means that there is one modest inflection point in the front crease. If your pants break both front and back or if they break on the sides, they’re too long.
12. Your coat should follow and flatter the lines of your upper body, not pool around them. You should be able to slip a hand in to get to your inside breast pocket, but if the jacket’s closed and you can pound your heart with your fist, it’s too big.
13. When you buy a suit or sportcoat, it should be altered to fit by a tailor. 
14. Your tie should reach your belt line - it shouldn’t end above your belt or below it.
15. Your tie knot should have a dimple.
16. Only wear a tie if you’re also wearing a suit or sportcoat (or, very casually, a sweater). Shirt, tie and no jacket is the wedding uniform of a nine-year-old.
17. The only men who should wear black suits during the day are priests, undertakers, secret agents, funerals attendees and yokels.
18. Cell phone holsters are horrible.
19. So are square-toed shoes.
20. Never wear visible socks with shorts.
21. Or any socks with sandals.
22. If your shirt is tucked in, you should be wearing a belt (or suspenders, if you’re wearing a jacket as well, or your trousers should have side adjusters and no belt loops).
23. Flip flops are great for the pool and the beach and not great for anything else. (Some say this is a matter of taste. We agree. If you have any taste, you will only wear flip-flops at the beach or pool.)
24. Long ties are not appropriate with a tuxedo.
25. Never wear polyester outside of the gym or theme parties.

If you see someone violating one of these basic principles, feel free to send them our way. We’ll straighten them out. This peeps aint playing games you know lol(putthison.com)