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Candid Talk With Elly

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Elly's Thoughts....

Dare To Be Yourself

 Amy Chan's blog is one of my favourite blogs.  I always say, there are so much shallow blogs out there with nothing inspiring/educating or even entertaining but just emptiness. So when I see writers like Amy with so much depth, you understand why its always a joy to read her write ups. I will say to an extent Amy and I are writers of similar ilk. With Amy's consent I posted 2 articles which were a hit back to back at the time, and sparked a bit of controversy, 11 differences between dating a boy and a man HERE and 11 differences between dating a girl and a woman HERE . Today again with Amy's consent I just had to repost this, as I feel this social media persona vs the real life persona, will drive a lot of insecure people crazy sooner than we expect if its not started already.

Enjoy the read!

On any given day, my social media feeds are flooded with inspirational quotes, status updates and photos of people’s perfect lives. Don’t get me wrong, I do love a good “Believe in Yourself” quote in neat typography over a serene ocean backdrop every now and again, but the incessant, non-stop posting of these affirmations is something I find concerning. Something just doesn’t seem to add up. This generation’s tendency to shout out loud exactly how happy they are and how happy others should be, is something I refer to as “positivity pandemonium”.

You’d think this is all the result of our society becoming happier and happier, however if you look at the statistics this is simply not the case. According to an analysis of over 6.9 million teens and adults, depression is increasingly on the rise. People experiencing symptoms connected to depression such as memory loss, lack of appetite and sleeplessness are double and triple fold from their 1980′s counterparts. The use of antidepressants has also doubled within the last few decades. In addition, another interesting finding from the Human–Computer Institute at Carnegie Mellon shows that passive consumption of Facebook and Instagram feeds correlate with feelings of loneliness and depression.

So what’s really happening behind the scenes? Are people being sincere and actually living according to the quotes and life lessons they eagerly share? Are the highlight reels shared on social media showing the 80% or the 20% of their actual lives? Or do we now have an influx of social media actors – living out online personas that don’t actually match who they really are? In today’s world, it appears we have Instagram life and real life – and they don’t necessarily match. Yes, this is a thing.

When I look within my own network at some of the biggest offenders of positivity pandemonium, I observe a major disconnect from their online personas and who they actually are – there is no integrity with what is being posted and how they actually behave in real life. This insincerity is hypocritical and in a sense, manipulative.  I know someone who boasted that the way she gets attention from guys who previously ghosted her is to make her Instagram feed show how much fun she’s having. I’ve been right at the scene of the crime witnessing her stage shots at parties and selfies with celebrities to show how awesome her life is. Her advice to me when I was going through a heartache was to strategically post shots of me with other guys and having a blast with no F***s given so he’d come crawling back (I ended up writing an article on rejection instead). While her Instagram life is FOMO-worthy, in real life, she’s struggled with creating and sustaining meaningful, loving relationships.  We all know that an immediate social comparison can be the byproduct of observing other people’s glamourous lives on social media. But now, this desire to drive FOMO in others is actually an objective -with people posting shots with the intention to spark envy in others. Yes, this is also a thing.

So what’s the harm in someone sharing a positive quote, crafting carefully curated lives or raving about their last ‘magical’ experience? If these attention seeking individuals need to do this for validation, what’s the issue?

First, it creates a distorted sense of reality. In between “Everything happens for a reason” and “Be fearless” lies real life, which is not perfect, Valencia filtered and Facetuned flawless. Life is messy.  Fear is a necessary emotion for survival. Reaching goals are not about magic, it’s about hard work, strategy and the occasional dose of luck and good timing.

In between “Everything happens for a reason” and “Be fearless” lies real life, which is not perfect, Valencia filtered and Facetuned flawless.

Second, the fluff is insincere and inauthentic. There are definitely people out there who have the credibility and the character that backs up the content they post, but for the most part, many self-professed spiritual gurus don’t. Anyone with a mobile device is now an instant publisher and can have influence – merit or no merit. Also, certain posts are shared purely with the intention for validation, fitting in and shaping public perception of one’s personal brand and agenda, and that’s really just a big lie packaged up in Helvetica. These small, everyday habits of presenting a false reality and an inauthentic persona (only to receive validation and bursts of dopamine with every like), reinforces an addictive and unhealthy pattern. Because at the end of the day, no amount of likes and Facebook envy will ever get us what we’re really yearning for: true acceptance, connection and love.

I’m not suggesting that everyone starts posting photos of the mundane and sharing complaints on their Facebook status updates, but I am encouraging that we become more conscious of what and how we consume social media. We are being wired by what we see on a subconscious level whether we like it or not. We also need to question what we are posting, and why. Are our intentions to make people jealous, get back at an ex or escape into a make-believe life? The seemingly harmless behavior of crafting a different online persona is rooted in a greater issue that may be worth examining.

Now I’ll leave you with this, “Dare to be yourself.”

See more of Amy's write up @  http://justmytype.ca/posting-inspirational-quotes-really-says/

Carrot Cake Experience!

I have made some decisions this year, some are actually a follow up from last years. And one of those decisions is to start baking frequently. I love to ccok and I do it really well according to people who have tasted my food but when it comes baking, I get so lazy more so when I can always get freshly baked items near me for an affordable amount, why stress myself? However after planning for "back to school last year, check it out on ellyeleanor.org, I decided to start baking frequently. And after church today, check what I tried out. I am impressed with "ME" lol! Watch out for /Candid talk with Elly, coming soon Yessss!

Needed a large cuppa, light dust of snow! so cold!

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Elly's Thoughts....

Spiritual Spring Clean

At  the beginning of the year, some Christians decide to spend time seeking Gods face for direction and grace in the new year. For some, its at the beginning of the year, and for others it might be a birthday as the begin another stage of their lives. What ever the circumstance, fasting is recommended for Christians every now and again. However some of us miss the purpose and attitude and even though the intention might be right, we go about it the wrong way and our expectations end up being dashed when the desired/expected result is not in sight. As Christians however, we remind ourselves daily that we walk by faith and not by sight. Doing a spiritual spring clean? I recommend you read this book. I have read it and it changed by perspective and understanding of fasting. Franklin Jentezen pours out his heart and knowledge in this book and I believe it is endorsed by God himself. Do it differently in 2016, this book will deepen, your relationship with God. And its just for a small amount on Amazon. If you really need it but cant afford it, drop a comment, I want to be a blessing to more people this year. Have any books you have read and will like to share equally? Drop a comment also. We have been blessing lives.... Visit ellyeleanor.org to see what we do and how you can get involved!

Beyond The Pews...

For some Christians, the beginning of the year, is normally a time of spiritual spring cleaning. Some people take time out to commit the year to God and seek direction from God for the year ahead. 

For most people who have come to a different level of understanding, Christianity is seen as a relationship not a 'RELIGION'. You might have a different opinion, but Amy bares it all in her book beyond the pews. Its an incisive book at how we play church today in comparison to what Christ intends it should be. With the delicate precision like a surgeon, she cuts to the bone, slicing away the dead flesh of pretence, religion and lukewarm commitment. Its a 'MUST READ' if you plan to take your relationship with God to the next level. It can be got on amazon, http://scribblecitybooks.scribblecitypublications.com/books/beyond-the-pews/

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Pop Of Persimons

Its a new year and now we get to hear a lot of boring! boring! resolutions. Yes I say boring because for a lot of people is just so much talk and no work. Anyways we are into the 5th day of the new year , so how far have you come with your decisions/resolutions if you made any? Well for the past 8 days, I have been walking 5 Miles, 2.5 in the am and 2.5 pm. Lets see how long I get to do these . I normally try to maintain a healthy life style though, most times it takes getting new gym outfits to get me started. This time around, thank God I didn't have to wait for a new set of Nike trainers to get started, I might have been waiting a long time (hahaha). We all have to fight vanity at one point or the other right? Also because once I go pass the doors at work in the mornings, its like non-stop. Most times, hitting my target for water intake is hard as I hate to leave glasses of water lying around the office, so I got a new water jar, and just have it beside my work station. Its 600ml, and I easily finish this and need a refill with so much ease, I think you should try it too. 

Now on one of my quick weekend getaways a few weeks ago, a friend introduced me to persimons, and I was like "wow, why havent I tried this all the while"? Its the new addition to my fruit bowl and its always a delight to have them. As usual I am sharing my discovery with anyone who cares to listen(hahaha). Its also filled with so much goodness too, which includes a high percentage of potassium, Vitamin A, D, B12, as well as calcium. Its carbohydrate content also keeps you fuller for longer which makes it a winner for weight watchers. Its high antioxidant properties also make it a favourite part of your 5 a day. For the American/North Americans, I hear you guys dont really understand/know it, Is that true? Well its actually native to China/Japan before it found its way to other regions. So this year, if you can, add persimons to your fruit basket and thank me later ):

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A Different Year...

As I grew older and became more sensible and focused, before the start of the new year,  I would always  write down what I wanted to achieve in the coming year, more like a vision board. And from time to time during the year, I would review and have an assessment of how far I had come. Now over the years, this list has gone from being a long epistle of wants to just few things I wanted to see happen. Could this be because most of those prayers have been answered or a realisation of what really matters in life? I would say its a mix of both but more of the latter.

Being a very goal oriented and determined person, I have actually had my life planned out over the years. Ask me what I hope for when I get to 40, 50, or 60 and I will spill it out. The most interesting bit about being so planned however is that God looks at the whole plan, smiles upon it and re-orders it in my own best interest. That is what others call timing and providence, or even luck. I however call it "Everything working together for my good because I love God". Is it always an easy pill to swallow? Hell No! Trust my personality, I try to fight, reason it out with God, try to guilt trick God with my fasting and tears, prove my generosity by out giving.... But in all, His mercies still prevail. With the end goal of not just giving me more than I could ever imagine, but making me a better person, a reflection of His goodness. 

This year, to my amazement, the only thing that I can seem to have penned on my vision board is "Lord what will you have me do?". If your experience does not shape you, nothing else will. I say this because in my walk with God in 2015, He took me to several heights I never knew I would attain, I achieved things that I only fantasied about, and most importantly, things I put up for when I get to 40/50, I am doing now. 

In 2015, I learnt what it really meant to rest upon God, I understood what it meant to let God take the wheel and trust that He knew the destination and will land me in one piece, I also understood that God is interested in  my dreams, and all I need to do is start, and He will bring it to a beautiful reality. I also came to the realization that in all, nothing can take the place of fulfillment except God satisfies an individual. It also dawned on me  that I might not understand it all, but the future always reveals it all. In an earlier post, I said, "we live life forward but understand it backwards" 

The main reason, why as I prayed my way into 2016, all I could utter was "Lord what will you have me do?". There is so much beauty that comes with resting on God, and Oh Yes! this year, I looked more beautiful than I have ever looked(lol),seriously I was such a beauty to behold, I had so many positive compliments on my looks than I have ever had and Yes!  I learnt to deal with the stares(hahaha)

 On a more serious note, the compliments came as a surprise most times  because 2015 was the busiest I have ever been in my life, I was in different countries at different times, different presentations, conferences, business meetings, network groups, and yes my newest baby Ellyeleanor Foundation (ellyeleanor.org) was born and is becoming bigger than I could ever have imagined. The possibilities have been limitless, but the best thing that has happened to me in 2015  has been learning to "REST" on God. 

In 2016, will you give God a try??

Life could be quite overwhelming some times, some times situations seem to take over us. At this point, if you ever need someone to stand with you in prayer or just listen to you, just send me an email: elly@ellyeleanor.org  and regardless of the country you are in, I will call if you need me to speak to you. This is one of the ways I am giving back in 2016, I am giving my time which is very priceless to hurting individuals this year.

Have a fabulous 2016, may you enjoy Gods presence like never before in this new year.