On Replay...

Woman Of The Year!

Some women I love, but for this woman, I don't only love her, but I have Maximum Respect! She's in fact my woman of the year!  I have respected her for a long time and I think she's earned my respect for a life time hahaha!.  How I love smart individuals and when they are ladies, I get even more excited. maybe because I just get soooo bored with superficial ladies who only know how to do make up & clothes and forget that the intellect is actually more important!

Angela Merkel

Love Is Not Enough!

A friend posted this link(http://markmanson.net/love), and when I read it, it actually felt like I was the author. To be fair growing up for me, has been one of telling myself the harsh truths. I have promised myself one thing which I am doing a good job of doing: That no matter how well I deceive/ lie to others( which I do not do! Lol) I will NEVER lie to ME! So help me God! Hahahaha..... Read and understand before forming an opinion! 

In 1967, John Lennon wrote a song called, “All You Need is Love.” He also beat both of his wives, abandoned one of his children, verbally abused his gay Jewish manager with homophobic and anti-semitic slurs, and once had a camera crew film him lying naked in his bed for an entire day.

Thirty-five years later, Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails wrote a song called “Love is Not Enough.” Reznor, despite being famous for his shocking stage performances and his grotesque and disturbing videos, got clean from all drugs and alcohol, married one woman, had two children with her, and then cancelled entire albums and tours so that he could stay home and be a good husband and father.

One of these two men had a clear and realistic understanding of love. One of them did not. One of these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of them did not. One of these men was probably a narcissistic asshole. One of them was not.

In our culture, many of us idealize love. We see it as some lofty cure-all for all of life’s problems. Our movies and our stories and our history all celebrate it as life’s ultimate goal, the final solution for all of our pain and struggle. And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, our relationships pay a price.

When we believe that “all we need is love,” then like Lennon, we’re more likely to ignore fundamental values such as respect, humility and commitment towards the people we care about. After all, if love solves everything, then why bother with all the other stuff — all of the hard stuff?

But if, like Reznor, we believe that “love is not enough,” then we understand that healthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions. We understand that there are things more important in our lives and our relationships than simply being in love. And the success of our relationships hinges on these deeper and more important values.

THREE HARSH TRUTHS ABOUT LOVE

The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us. These unrealistic expectations then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. Allow me to illustrate:

1. Love does not equal compatibility. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them.

abstract-painting-lovers

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life goals that are contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs or worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who sucks for us and our happiness.

That may sound paradoxical, but it’s true.

When I think of all of the disastrous relationships I’ve seen or people have emailed me about, many (or most) of them were entered into on the basis of emotion — they felt that “spark” and so they just dove in head first. Forget that he was a born-again Christian alcoholic and she was an acid-dropping bisexual necrophiliac. It just felt right.

And then six months later, when she’s throwing his shit out onto the lawn and he’s praying to Jesus twelve times a day for her salvation, they look around and wonder, “Gee, where did it go wrong?”

The truth is, it went wrong before it even began.

When dating and looking for a partner, you must use not only your heart, but your mind. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like cherry popsicles. But you also need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their worldviews in general. Because if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you…well, as the ski instructor from South Park once said, you’re going to have a bad time.

2. Love does not solve your relationship problems. My first girlfriend and I were madly in love with each other. We also lived in different cities, had no money to see each other, had families who hated each other, and went through weekly bouts of meaningless drama and fighting.

man-love-woman-kiss

And every time we fought, we’d come back to each other the next day and make up and remind each other how crazy we were about one another and that none of those little things matter because we’re omg sooooooo in love and we’ll find a way to work it out and everything will be great, just you wait and see. Our love made us feel like we were overcoming our issues, when on a practical level, absolutely nothing had changed.

As you can imagine, none of our problems got resolved. The fights repeated themselves. The arguments got worse. Our inability to ever see each other hung around our necks like an albatross. We were both self-absorbed to the point where we couldn’t even communicate that effectively. Hours and hours talking on the phone with nothing actually said. Looking back, there was no hope that it was going to last. Yet we kept it up for three fucking years!

After all, love conquers all, right?

Unsurprisingly, that relationship burst into flames and crashed like the Hindenburg being doused in jet fuel. The break up was ugly. And the big lesson I took away from it was this: while love may make you feel better about your relationship problems, it doesn’t actually solve any of your relationship problems.

The roller coaster of emotions can be intoxicating, each high feeling even more important and more valid than the one before, but unless there’s a stable and practical foundation beneath your feet, that rising tide of emotion will eventually come and wash it all away.

3. Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself. One of the defining characteristics of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to help care for another person and their needs as well.

But the question that doesn’t get asked often enough is exactly what are you sacrificing, and is it worth it?

sad-girl-bwIn loving relationships, it’s normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own desires, their own needs, and their own time for one another. I would argue that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship so great.

But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic. A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If we find ourselves in situations where we’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then that’s essentially what we’re doing: we’re allowing our love to consume us and negate us, and if we’re not careful, it will leave us as a shell of the person we once were.

THE FRIENDSHIP TEST

One of the oldest pieces of relationship advice in the book is, “You and your partner should be best friends.” Most people look at that piece of advice in the positive: I should spend time with my partner like I do my best friend; I should communicate openly with my partner like I do with my best friend; I should have fun with my partner like I do with my best friend.

But people should also look at it in the negative: Would you tolerate your partner’s negative behaviors in your best friend?

Amazingly, when we ask ourselves this question honestly, in most unhealthy and codependent relationships, the answer is “no.”

I know a young woman who just got married. She was madly in love with her husband. And despite the fact that he had been “between jobs” for more than a year, showed no interest in planning the wedding, often ditched her to take surfing trips with his friends, and her friends and family raised not-so-subtle concerns about him, she happily married him anyway.

But once the emotional high of the wedding wore off, reality set in. A year into their marriage, he’s still “between jobs,” he trashes the house while she’s at work, gets angry if she doesn’t cook dinner for him, and any time she complains he tells her that she’s “spoiled” and “arrogant.” Oh, and he still ditches her to take surfing trips with his friends.

And she got into this situation because she ignored all three of the harsh truths above. She idealized love. Despite being slapped in the face by all of the red flags he raised while dating him, she believed that their love signaled relationship compatibility. It didn’t. When her friends and family raised concerns leading up to the wedding, she believed that their love would solve their problems eventually. It didn’t. And now that everything had fallen into a steaming shit heap, she approached her friends for advice on how she could sacrifice herself even more to make it work.

And the truth is, it won’t.

Why do we tolerate behavior in our romantic relationships that we would never ever, ever tolerate in our friendships?

Imagine if your best friend moved in with you, trashed your place, refused to get a job or pay rent, demanded you cook dinner for them, and got angry and yelled at you any time you complained. That friendship would be over faster than Paris Hilton’s acting career.

Or another situation: a man’s girlfriend who was so jealous that she demanded passwords to all of his accounts and insisted on accompanying him on his business trips to make sure he wasn’t tempted by other women. His life was practically under 24/7 surveillance and you could see it wearing on his self-esteem. His self-worth dropped to nothing. She didn’t trust him to do anything. So he quit trusting himself to do anything.

Yet he stays with her! Why? Because he’s in love!

Remember this: The only way you can fully enjoy the love in your life is to choose to make something else more important in your life than love.

You can fall in love with a wide variety of people throughout the course of your life. You can fall in love with people who are good for you and people who are bad for you. You can fall in love in healthy ways and unhealthy ways. You can fall in love when you’re young and when you’re old. Love is not unique. Love is not special. Love is not scarce.

But your self-respect is. So is your dignity. So is your ability to trust. There can potentially be many loves throughout your life, but once you lose your self-respect, your dignity or your ability to trust, they are very hard to get back.

Love is a wonderful experience. It’s one of the greatest experiences life has to offer. And it is something everyone should aspire to feel and enjoy.

But like any other experience, it can be healthy or unhealthy. Like any other experience, it cannot be allowed to define us, our identities or our life purpose. We cannot let it consume us. We cannot sacrifice our identities and self-worth to it. Because the moment we do that, we lose love and we lose ourselves.

Because you need more in life than love. Love is great. Love is necessary. Love is beautiful. But love is not enough.

(http://markmanson.net/love)

On Replay...

Word!

Cant remember where I saw this, its not originally mine. I think on IG. But I remember when I saw this I went Yesss! Hahahaha

God First! Family Next!!

For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.(Gen 18:19 KJV).

Today there will be so much said about Fathers all over the world. I won't write an epistle about mine but rather I will leave the scripture for you to ponder. Father! Can God trust you to raise your children to fear Him?? The role of a Father is much more than bringing children into this world. And until Fathers realise this, and get the right support from the family, society and church, we will keep seeing an increase in the vices we see today.

I have not been around my Dad, for Fathers day for over 10 years if I can remember. But this year was different and I wanted to make it extra special for him. I was actually sourcing for the best restaurant in town to take him to and when I was torn between choices, I had to ask him if he preferred Mexican, Italian or African. And he goes " Elly I really enjoy your cooking and I want you to make the meal yourself". Today I actually cooked up a storm and made him feel extra special, the look in his eyes, the smile on his face and the contentment in his voice meant the world to me. My mum actually whispered in my ears"Your father cant get over how you have made him feel today. You might have just added some extra years to his days to which we both laughed." Nothing is forever, but with the time we have got, with the people that mean the world to us, we will make sure the memories last a lifetime as we set our priorities right! Enjoy the pics! There were lots of goofing pics but I dont have the time to post them or rather I do not want to post them! Hahahaha

Dad & Daughter.... April 2016

On Replay...

8 TERRIBLE PIECES OF DATING ADVICE CHRISTIANS GIVE

I said earlier on that when it comes to the subject of dating, I tend to steer clear for now because in my head, I don't think I am qualified for it yet! But in the near future, I will come back to the concept of christian dating/relationships. Lets say for now, I am undergoing some form of training and pruning and I cant just launch out as an expert into this very sensitive area, in a generation that is so opinionated!.

All the time, Frank Powell, always says almost exactly just whats on my mind and that is why I love to read his write ups and I actually follow him on twitter. Today however, I stumbled upon this! And all I could say was YES!!! We are indeed writers of same ilk, I would say hahaha.

Being Single, I Have received some really FOOLISH advice both solicited and unsolicited! But the one that tops the scale is this "STOP BEING SO PICKY"! Anytime I hear this, I am like SERIOUSLY??? My Parents actually had to pick my country of birth, after rigorous scrutiny, they picked the nursery/primary schools I attended, when it was time for my 1st, &  2nd degrees, the onus was on me to carry out extensive research on the choice of course to undertake, the best possible uni to attend, future prospects after study etc. I prayerfully "PICK" even the church I attend, & the men and women of God I listen to, because  I don't want any individual filling my head with rubbish in this day of excessive knowledge. When I go grocery shopping, I pick out the "best buy" and "best produce" with extended shelf life. But now when it comes to Marriage, I am suddenly expected to  "STOP BEING SO PICKY" for a commitment that is for a Lifetime?? This advice comes across as "Smelly Poo" or "Spoiled Milk".

Lets be careful of the advice we give especially as Christians,(I am also guilty) do not take the place of the Holy Spirit!

Enjoy the Read! Most importantly, Be Inspired!

8 TERRIBLE PIECES OF DATING ADVICE CHRISTIANS GIVE

Ever been in a conversation where a statement that is made leaves you shaking your head? And you start wondering whether this individual has any idea the context of the conversation. After the bad advice “pow-wow” breaks, you have to do damage control.

But most of the time the damage is done. This is the problem with advice, in general. Especially if someone comes asking for it. Whether the sage (I use the term loosely) delivers good or bad advice, the individual asking will heed it.

I wish I could tell you Christians never give bad advice. Unfortunately, I would be lying. This is just another product of our brokenness. Christians have a tendency to make statements that, if they were tangible, would be some form of smelly poo or rotten milk. And I am guilty as well.

Combine the potential to deliver bad advice with a strange topic like dating, the chance of smelly poo or spoiled milk increases exponentially. Let’s be real, church. Dating is strange to us. We know we will be inevitably confronted with it. But we are not sure what to do when the confrontation happens. Some assume dating ends in something really bad (you know what I mean). Others fully embrace it. The rest are just bamboozled by the topic altogether.

I embrace dating (not me dating, but dating in general). I believe Christians must talk about it. And we must advise people, young and old, about the positive and negatives of dating as a follower of Jesus.

With that said, if someone comes to you for advice, the individual expects you to provide them with advice. But, for the love of all things good and righteous, avoid these statements.

Here are 8 terrible pieces of dating advice Christians give.

1.) “FOLLOW YOUR HEART.”

There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.

Proverbs 14:12

Now this piece of advice appears logical. Someone comes to you for advice. The individual has feelings for another person. But doubt or uncertainty is also present. So, how do you move forward? “Just follow your heart.”

Steer clear of the rotten milk. Here’s why this statement is toxic. Riding the waves of emotions and logic will eventually lead to a crash landing. Emotions and logic can be helpful. They can also be deceitful. Like a blind man relying on his cane. It can be helpful. But relying on a cane to get from the house to the store? Not a good idea.

A better option? Follow the advice of others. Pray for clarity. Seek the Lord.

2.) “YOU ARE MARRIED TO JESUS. FOCUS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.”

This is another piece of advice that seems good. As long as you aren’t the one receiving it. And you aren’t a dude. Ever heard a guy receive this piece of advice? Me neither.

This is more a copout than a piece of advice. The statement is legitimate, yes. Jesus must be the center of a relationship. Your love for him must be significantly greater than your love for any other person. But what Christian doesn’t know this?

3.) “YOU SHOULD ALWAYS DATE TO MARRY.”

I need to be careful here. Don’t want to contradict myself. I believe strongly in intentional dating. I also believe strongly in Christians dating Christians (more on this later). But refusing to date unless you are sure the individual is “marriage material” is overkill.

Christian dating is a lot about figuring out yourself. Not to mention having this cloud hovering over any relationship adds unnecessary pressure to it. Dating should be fun. It should be pure. And it doesn’t have to end in marriage. These relationships can teach you something about yourself that prepares you for the one you will one day marry.

I say that is valuable. You decide for yourself.

4.) “STOP BEING SO PICKY.”

People who have higher standards and higher expectations for their marriage have the best marriages, not the worst-John Gottman

Look, marriage is forever. God designed it this way. So you should never compromise on the values you have for a spouse. Make a list. Keep the list close. And make sure any potential spouse meets the qualities on your list.

This goes for dating as well. It is better to remain single for a lifetime than compromise values just to marry. It never ends well for people who do this.

Those who have a high standard in a spouse will have a high standard in marriage. Having a high standard for marriage is an important value for having a great marriage. And God desires couples to have great marriages. It is worth waiting months or years to find the person who meets the standards you believe are essential.

So, if you hear someone telling you to stop being so picky, be sure the advice is bad. Spoiled milk.

It is better to remain single for a lifetime than compromise your values just to marry.

5.) “IT’S OK TO DATE A NON-CHRISTIAN…JUST DON’T MARRY ONE.”

There are certain non-negotiable filters in dating. This is one. Christian dating can be a field day for Satan. He uses dating like he uses everything inherently good…To spread lies and destroy your life.

For this reason, date someone who shares your values. Shares your passion for Jesus. Shares your desire for purity. It’s not that dating a non-Christian is sinful. The Bible never talks about dating. But it is critical to date people who won’t create tension between the desires of the flesh and the will of God.

Don’t date people who create tension between desires of the flesh and the will of God.

TWEET THIS!

Dating Christians doesn’t ensure this won’t happen. But Christians should work with you to pursue the holiness God desires.

6.) “YOU WILL MEET YOUR SPOUSE WHEN YOU STOP LOOKING.”

You know who makes statements like this one? People who are married…or really old. No offense to my older people. Love you guys (and girls). The idea with this statement is you are trying to hard to find a spouse. But you are adding unneeded pressure and stress in the process.

This is the picture I get when I hear this statement.

Instead of trying to find a spouse at every corner, you proceed to sit at the house with a bag of Nachos or ice cream. And wait. Then, magically, a cute, Jesus-following guy or girl rings the doorbell with a box of chocolates (or, for the dudes, a jersey from your favorite sports team), asks you out on a date, and the rest is history.

Of course, we know this is garbage. And if you are the one person reading this who had this experience, don’t leave me a comment. Thanks.

The better solution: pray for a spouse (if you believe this is God’s design for your life). Live expectantly. Don’t force what God is not ordaining. But go to work, school, wherever, with eyes open to how God is moving in the world around you…Whatever you do, don’t compromise.

7.) “SINGLENESS IS A GIFT FROM GOD.”

Again, this is a copout answer to someone most likely struggling with singleness. Like the woman who is struggling to get pregnant. Or the person who lost a family member to cancer. Copout answers don’t work.

Yes, singleness is a gift from God. I believe God calls certain people to singleness to show himself to them in a way relationships never would. But don’t tell that to the guy or girl who sees friends progressing down life’s natural road.

The better response? Ask questions. Allow those struggling with singleness to share emotions and frustrations. Encourage them in Christ. But, as a general rule, stay away from copout statements like this one.

8.) “THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA. IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON.”

I remember the first time a girl broke up with me. I was distraught. The break up taught me a lot of relationships and dating. But the future lessons learned didn’t remove the present pain.

We are not robots with an on-off switch. Relationships hurt. Rejection hurts. Moving on hurts. Hurting another person hurts. You see the idea? We have emotions. And dealing with emotions isn’t a mechanical process. This statement implies that emotions aren’t important.

(http://frankpowell.me/awful-dating-advice)

Word!

Glory to the Lamb- Geoffrey Golden

I am away with the parents and all the while, this track has been on replay, and my mum goes "Elly do you have a different song on your list"? And I reply No mama lol!Typical!!

Start The Spark!- Canada! 04:06:16

By now if you are an ardent reader of this blog, you must have realized that Ellyeleanor Foundation is our number one charity. This charity is not just the one off food provision charity but we are shaping tomorrows future by giving less privileged children access to qualitative education.

We presently have 5 children in the best private schools in their regions in Imo State Nigeria, and in March of this year, we shortlisted another 5 children and we also shortlisted a lady, whom we will be giving financial support to start petty trading.

We have Big Dreams, but limited funds and that is why we fundraise. This year, our "Start The Spark" campaign is targeted at getting more individuals and businesses involved because we are better together.

We are presently having a massive fundraiser in Canada as 2 young men have decided to turn their graduation party into a fundraising event. And our fundraiser campaigns are always so much fun!! Check out our site if in doubt ellyeleanor.org
Date: 04;06;16
Start Time 3;00pm
Venue; 21A Suvla Str, A1C 4Z2 St John's NL
Activities; Barbecue, Nigerian Jollof Rice, Indian Curries, Games, Music, Fundraising & More Food!!

You are invited!!