You can also follow me on twitter @ellyeleanor1.
And I opened my mail, to see that one of the lovers of this blog sent a topic, she wanted published which was impressed upon her heart to write on, and as I started reading, I felt I had a journal right before me, and an interesting one at that, keep it coming dear, good write up. Enjoy the Read!
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
By : Missi
Did you know that one in every four
women will be a victim of domestic violence in her lifetime? Even more
concerning is that most women are afraid to report abuse by an intimate
partner. Domestic violence is one of the most chronically underreported crimes,
with only approximately one-quarter of all physical assaults and one-fifth of
all rapes being reported to the police. But what about when the abuse doesn't
leave physical marks? Gunta Krumins, BA, PMP, author of The Detrimental
Effects of Emotional Abuse, says psychological or emotional abuse isn't
readily reported and, because it is hard to prove, is essentially a silent
epidemic that many women wrongly endure.
What is Emotional Abuse?
Abuse is any behaviour that is designed to control
and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and
verbal or physical assaults. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional
rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal
abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as intimidation and
manipulation.
Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it
systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth,
trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant
berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,”
“teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the
recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional
abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper
and more lasting than physical ones (Engel, 1992, p. 10).
Types of Emotional Abuse
Emotional
abuse can take many forms. Three general patterns of abusive behaviour include
aggressing, denying, and minimizing.
Aggressing
- Aggressive
forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing, blaming, threatening, and
ordering. Aggressing behaviours are generally direct and obvious. The
one-up position the abuser assumes by attempting to judge or invalidate the
recipient undermines the equality and autonomy that are essential to
healthy adult relationships. This parent-to-child pattern of communication
(which is common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the
abuser takes an aggressive stance.
- Aggressive
abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised as
“helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analysing, probing,
and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some
instances, however, these behaviours may be an attempt to belittle,
control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know
best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and
creates unequal footing in peer relationships.
Denying
- Invalidating
seeks to distort or undermine the recipient’s perceptions of their world.
Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge
reality. For example, if the recipient confronts the abuser about an
incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, “I never said that,” “I
don’t know what you’re talking about,” etc.
- Countering
occurs when the abuser views the recipient as an extension of themselves
and denies any viewpoints or feelings which differ from their own.
Minimizing
- Minimizing
is a less extreme form of denial. When minimizing, the abuser may not deny
that a particular event occurred, but they question the recipient’s
emotional experience or reaction to an event. Statements such as “You’re
too sensitive,” “You are too emotional”,
“You’re exaggerating,” or “You’re blowing this out of proportion”
all suggest that the recipient’s emotions and perceptions are faulty and
not to be trusted.
- Trivializing,
which occurs when the abuser suggests that what you have done or
communicated is inconsequential or unimportant, is a more subtle form of
minimizing.
- Denying
and minimizing can be particularly damaging. In addition to lowering
self-esteem and creating conflict, the invalidation of reality, feelings,
and experiences can eventually lead you to question and mistrust your own
perceptions and emotional experience.
Understanding Abusive Relationships
When we usually talk about emotional abuse, we refer
to this kind of relationship. In most cases it is only one of the partners is
abusive and the abused partner is not aware of the abuse or is trying to make
the other partner stop the abuse. The abused partner tends to accept the
aggression from the abuser because
he/she is scared of leaving the relationship, because of the fact that he/she
feels it deserves to be abused or because love feelings that prevent him/her
from leaving their abusing partners. The
only way in which the victim can contribute to being abuse is having too much of
an understanding attitude.
Are You Abusive to Yourself?
Often
we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. If we
feel contempt for ourselves or think very little of ourselves, we may pick
partners or significant others who reflect this image back to us. If we are
willing to tolerate negative treatment from others, or treat others in negative
ways, it is possible that we also treat ourselves similarly. If you are an
abuser or a recipient, you may want to consider how you treat yourself. What
sorts of things do you say to yourself? Do thoughts such as “I’m stupid” or “I
never do anything right” dominate your thinking? Learning to love and care for
ourselves increases self-esteem and makes it more likely that we will have
healthy, intimate relationships.
No comments:
Post a Comment