Friday, 17 May 2019

The Soulmate Myth...

I came across this write up some time last year and it was quite an interesting read. We all have our perceptions of what love, relationships, success etc should look like...
well... different strokes for different folks I say & not one size fits all...

What are your thoughts though 😊? Share your comments below..


Image result for soulmate




Ah, the soul mate—the perpetuating romantic myth that’s still chugging along against all odds, literally.  Assuming your soulmate is set at birth, is roughly in the same age bracket, and the love is recognizable at first sight, mathematical estimates indicate that your chances of finding your soulmate is only 1 in 10,000 (0.010%). And yet, according to a 2011 Marist poll, nearly three out of four people believe that they are destined to find ‘the one’ person out there for them.
73% of the American population believes romantic happiness is intrinsically linked to destiny
If you haven’t been soulmate rich yet, don’t blame your luck, your charm, or a blip in your destiny. Blame it on numerical probability. Let’s face it, you have a higher chance at winning the Powerball lottery than finding a mythological soulmate. The numbers just aren’t on your side. But bad odds aren’t the only reason for abandoning the myth of the soulmate. The truth is, seeking your soulmate is actually a really good way to find yourself in an unhappy marriage or alone.
Let me explain.
When you develop an image of what your ideal type or soulmate is, you create a fantasy. This fantasy consists of yearning for the feeling of being ‘in love’ which amplifies desire for an idealized lover, particularly when the apple of your eye is elusive or unavailable. Pining for that unattainable ideal becomes an enthrallment of the experience of the intense emotions of being in love, rather than a reality-based interest in the potential partner. Research shows that people who hold a strong belief in destiny are prone to lose interest in their partner much faster and are likely to give up much more easily when the relationship starts to go through hardship.
Research shows that people who hold a strong belief in destiny are prone to lose interest in their partner much faster
Say you finally meet this person that fits the hopes and dreams that you’ve been waiting for all your life. You lock eyes, the connection is fast and furious and filled with passion and intensity. Your mind then tricks you, omitting the non-soulmate qualities and amplifying the similarities and all the things that are perfect about that person. This is confirmation bias at play. Confirmation bias occurs when we are motivated by wishful thinking and attached to a certain idea to be true. Instead of seeing reality and facts, we have tunnel vision and only see evidence that supports our initial belief.
If you’re searching for your soulmate, your brain is going to try its hardest to make you find that person, but once the infatuation phase is over, that idealized person becomes just another normal, flawed human being. For too many people, this realization doesn’t set in until after they have had their fairy tale wedding and these couples have to begin the work of getting to know one another, for real this time, all over again.
For single people, too, the soulmate myth can cause problems, mainly a cycle of loneliness and confusion. Creating a false fantasy about someone can cause us to develop intense feelings for a connection that isn’t real, or amplify a spark into something more than what it really is.
Creating a false fantasy about someone can cause us to develop intense feelings for a connection that isn’t real, or amplify a spark into something more than what it really is.
This is especially true if you’re hungry for connection or in a state of desperation to meet ‘the one’. Even if there was an authentic connection or spark, when your mind races to create a fantasy future, you are no longer present. Instead, your mind is focusing on the next step of your goal, which objectifies the person to fill a void. You start latching on to the person to make you feel a certain way, and this is where the connection goes from an exchange of love and curiosity to one of attachment and neediness.
When I look back at the times where I fell hard for someone, only to be sorely disappointed by how they treated me or how the relationship didn’t progress—it was clear—I wasn’t basing my feelings on reality, I was high on my own fantasy. I would have an idea in my head on who my perfect person was, and then I’d meet someone who resembled that picture and suddenly my soul mate alarm bells go off. The expectations, the fantasies I created were really a result of me idolizing an idea of a person that fit the picture in my head.
It’s more realistic to view a soulmate experience as a connection you build with a partner, versus one that you stumble upon instantaneously as a result of destiny. The former is a choice, where you do the work to make love and connection happen, versus waiting for love to magically happen to you.
If a long, lasting healthy relationship is what you’re after, then forget everything that the fairytales, love songs and romantic movies taught you about love at first sight. According to Dr. John Gottman, the founder of The Gottman Institute in Seattle, two people who focus their energy on building something meaningful together in their life, tend to have the longest lasting relationships.
Two people who focus their energy on building something meaningful together in their life, tend to have the longest lasting relationships.
He also summarizes that how a couple interacts is the most important aspect of creating a healthy relationship. In other words, it’s not about magic–it’s about how well you get along, how you communicate and how you move through time together. Some couples naturally excel at one or more of these things and for other couples, it takes more work. But when it comes down to it, you choose the person you end up with and you have to keep choosing that person to make a real romance work.
Now, isn’t that far more empowering?
Rather than searching for the elusive 1 in 10,000, go ahead and date someone you can build something with, who shares your vision for a good life, and is willing to learn how to create a healthy relationship dynamic. Perhaps then, you can say you’ve got a soulmate in the making.
http://justmytype.ca/myth-soulmate-killing-romantic-destiny/

Wednesday, 10 April 2019

What season are you in?

Do you have a daily devotional you use? I've been richly blessed by UCB's word for today. Been using it for over 12 consistently & I have been RICHLY blessed.

Check out today's message....


https://www.ucb.co.uk/word-for-today



If you sow your seed at the wrong time, you risk losing your harvest. Why? Because you didn’t recognise what season you were in. Are you in the season of small beginnings? If you are, God says, ‘Do not despise these small beginnings’ (Zechariah 4:10 NLT). The richness and stability that come from ‘small beginnings’ and gradual success are more lasting than the temperamental theatrics of those who have never learned their own vulnerabilities or developed a true sense of dependence on God. If you’re not sure what season you’re in, ask God. He does everything according to a set time and purpose. In the autumn you break up the ground, turn the sod, sow the seed, add the fertiliser, and look for the harvest next spring. In the meantime you wait, because the soil that has yielded so many of its nutrients is being replenished. 






The fertiliser that smells so bad is in the process of producing the highest quality crop. The root system that’s required for strong, healthy growth is being developed. Understand this: God gives you grace for the season you’re in – not the one you were once in, or the one you’d like to be in. When Paul said, ‘Be prepared in season and out of season,’ he recognised that he was in the winter of his ministry. That’s why he was pouring his knowledge into his successor, Timothy. Paul wasn’t resentful about the changing seasons. No, when his days as a player were over he simply became a coach. So ask God to show you what season you’re in and how to make it the most productive season of your life.

On replay...

Saturday, 30 March 2019

Sophistication & Elegance...


I really enjoyed reading this post from modellist-id and I thought to share it here. I will be going over it again as lots of these resonate with my idea of fashion... Hope you enjoy it too... the link to the site is below & everything is from the site, it has not been modified in any way. Visit their site for more inspiration..


Fashion gives you the possibility to express your personality and creativity, so you should use your personal style to your advantage. While it might be a debatable fact, many people can agree that appearances matter, and if you always want to make a great first impression, regardless where you are going, how you dress should be something you concern yourself with. Perhaps until now you have adopted a more relaxed, street style and are now interested in trying something different, and give your outfits a dash of elegance. Classy looks will never go out of style, so giving your attire more sophistication will always be a great choice to make. But what exactly can you do to improve the appeal of your fashion looks? The following suggestions will help you delve into a classier sense of fashion.


Elegance and sophistication



OPT FOR HIGH-QUALITY FABRICS
Whether it’s a flowy summer blouse, a formal suit or a floor length dress, when you are shopping for clothes, your attention might be initially drawn by the design of the said item. While it’s perfectly normal for you to opt for clothes that look stylish, quality should be your first purchase consideration. As great as a dress or skirt might look from afar, if it has been designed out of fabrics of poor quality, this will be easily noticeable. Classy, timeless looks require clothing elements made out of great materials. Silk, cotton, linen, wool – these are the options you should be focusing on. Qualitative fabrics will stand the test of time, and a clothing time will not look deteriorated after just a couple of times wearing it. An elegant style will demand from you to always wear impeccable clothes, so choosing fabrics that give off classy vibes is naturally a priority. There are also variations you have the possibility of opting for, such as chino cotton for pants and blazers, or cashmere for cardigans and sweaters. Always read the label carefully before decide to buy something, and make sure it as the right material.










NEVER SKIP ON JEWELRY AND ACCESSORIES
You might be wearing a designer dress with a fashion-magazine worthy design and some expensive high-heels, but if you don’t give your outfit the finishing touché it needs, your entire ensemble will look and feel incomplete. Accessories are extremely important, and you should never leave the house without adding the right elements to your outfit. Because you are trying to opt for sophisticated and elegant looks, jewelry will be the best way to go here. A beautiful necklace or a gold bracelet for women will allow you to make out of a simple, dull dress, for example a look that stands out and exudes sophistication. If you weren’t exactly the type to wear jewelry and accessories until now, it’s certainly time to go on a shopping spree and increase your collection. Necklaces, bracelets, earrings – you should have more than enough options at your disposal that will give you the chance to complete every single one of your outfits in the chicest possible. A single piece of luxury jewelry can transform an entire fashion ensemble. And with so many great options now available on the market, finding pieces you actually like and are suitable for your own individual sense of style won’t be hard at all.

WHAT ABOUT THE FIT?

You can get the most beautiful and expensive designer dress you find in a store, if that clothing item doesn’t fit you right, your look will be far from aesthetically pleasing or sophisticated. One of the golden rules when it comes to classy fashion ensembles is to wear clothes that fit you perfectly. You should be showing off your figure, but the elements you wear should never be too tight. If you are shopping online always check the size chart before ordering, to be certain the item you have eyed will actually suit your figure. Sophisticated clothing might often need to be tailored, so don’t hesitate to resort to a professional if you have clothes that need a few adjustments here and there. An unflattering fit will always ruin your entire look, so start avoiding making this mistake from now on.
PATTERNS AND COLORS
When you are browsing fashion blogs and magazines, you will see some incredibly chic attires that are colorful and rich in beautiful patterns, so just because you are opting for a classy way of dressing, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make bold combinations. However if you are still trying to broaden your knowledge of styling, until you become more confident in your abilities of mixing and matching items, perhaps it’s safer to opt for neutrals. Monochromatic outfits are far easier to put together, and you can add a few bright accents here and there as well.



IT’S ALL ABOUT THE SHOES!

A perfectly fine outfit can easily be ruined if you don’t combine it with the right pair of shoes. Your choices in the footwear department should be well-researched, because shoes that don’t match with the general style of your attire will prevent you from maintaining those classy fashion vibes you are targeting. There’s a right time to wear high heels, and then there are times where flats are the more appropriate option. The style of the shoe should go hand in hand with the event you are attending, and for every day looks, high heels shouldn’t always be your go-to choice – you should know when too much is too much. Giving your fashion looks a bit more sophistication and elegance doesn’t have to be at all complicated. As long as you follow some simple tips, and make a few changes in the way you are choosing your fashion elements, you will be able to put together some classy outfits and access the style upgrade you are interested in. While elegance and sophistication go beyond the clothes and accessories you put on if you want to always look impeccable, knowing how to dress does play an important role. Take into account the tips suggested here, and you will certainly love the results.

Thursday, 14 March 2019

Be your own kind of beautiful!


Few weeks ago, Fatima Timbo was on BBC news and I watched her courage and passion inspite  of the world's definition of beautiful. It is actually so sad that some people even get to be bullied as a result of their looks and I ask myself; why will anyone get bullied as a result of their looks when they had no part to play in their final outcome??


We might be able to enhance our looks but to a certain degree because when it comes to our heights, there is no artificial remedy yet for alteration....


I like Fatima's courage and how much she has been able to change the narrative...

The only thing constant is change! Where being skinny and a certain height and having certain features were the criteria set as being described as beautiful, there is no law that says that criteria can't be changed and Fatima is going for it with so much resilience making progress in the modelling industry which is her dream!!

 Image result for fatima timbo


https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-london-46783305/i-can-t-change-my-height-but-i-won-t-be-defined-by-it

Thursday, 7 March 2019

Makeup should be optional...

When the announcement was made by Virgin a few days ago that it was no longer mandatory for their female to wear makeup, it was like music to my ears.

Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-makeup but I feel that there is so much pressure from society for humans to look & act in a certain way which puts so much pressure on individuals & for some, it leaves them with very bad consequences with some even going as far as becoming suicidal.


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Photocredit:qz.com


Makeup should be optional but looking presentable shouldn't be. There is no excuse for looking unkempt in my opinion & it's quite different from being fully cladded in makeup in order to be acceptable.

We should embrace our beauty and the true beauty is that which comes from within...

Thursday, 21 February 2019

You determine your worth!


Most times we complain that people don't treat us right but the raw truth is that most times we empower individuals to treat us less than should... I will be honest, when it comes to buying presents, I buy presents based on how I perceive the individual not necessarily what I feel for them on most occasions (being real here). If you don't know the worth of gold, I won't waste my time buying you gold! No way!! I will get you what I've seen on you & if its plastic, that's what you get!(straight face). If you eat only organic foods, when I decide to do groceries for you, I will go to the organic store even though it's not my regular store but for the individual I will.










If people know that your standards are high, when it comes to service delivery for an event  or business deal, they will try to deliver exceptional service unintentionally because somewhere in their head, they feel 'You' are difficult to please & they don't want problems.  Likewise if they perceive you to be gullible, they will act without regard.

You've got to learn to love 'You', treat 'You' right & value 'You' & only then will people begin to adjust. Not everyone will, don't get me wrong but most will treat you with a different approach from the rest.

Love yourself.....you're worth more! You're a child of God!!! And that's more than enough!

Wednesday, 13 February 2019

Stop striving!



This was on the UCB devotional about 4 days ago but the message has remained with me. Understanding & wisdom are really essential in this life. May God give us a heart of wisdom.


‘He decides who will rise and who will fall.’-Psalm 75:7 NLT




If you don’t find your significance and self-worth in your relationship with God, you’ll be tempted to spend your life trying to promote yourself. And that will make you insecure – and dangerous. Why? Because when others get promoted ahead of you, you’ll become resentful; you may even try to tear them down. In God’s kingdom you don’t achieve success on your own, you receive it from God. ‘God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another’ (KJV). While David’s brothers were striving to be Israel’s next king and ‘get the nod’ from the prophet Samuel, David just kept tending his sheep and doing the job God gave him. Let others compete and compare! Just stay faithful in what God has given you to do – and when the time is right He’ll come and get you! Jesus said, ‘My yoke is easy, and my burden is light’ (Matthew 11:30 KJV). 



Image result for striving
Photocredit: James Pruch



Note the word ‘easy’. When you try to promote yourself, you have to sweat, strain, and struggle, but when you trust God and do things His way, it comes ‘easy’. That doesn’t mean you won’t have to work hard or sacrifice in order to succeed. It just means you won’t have to strive to get it, or keep it. Why? Because when God sets ‘before you an open door’ (Revelation 3:8 NIV 2011 Edition), He’s the only one who can shut it. And He won’t do that unless, like King Saul, you’re rebellious, resentful, or refuse to repent. Knowing God is in control takes the strain out of serving Him. When you think about it – it’s the only way to live.


https://www.ucb.co.uk/word-for-today/26484

Saturday, 2 February 2019

The Rain Will Come...

THE RAIN WILL COME: 


Sometimes all we need to do is sit & wait for the salvation of the Lord. EX 14: 13. I said "sit" intentionally because sometimes there's no energy to stand because we are exhausted from going in our own strength. 2 days ago I had a conversation that set me in a reflective mood & as I went over all the prayers that were yet to be answered & the impact of what I considered delays, the holy spirit reminded me that Noah built the ark & He was made jest of because he trusted & obeyed God. But just one day, the RAIN came down!!!! If you're waiting & it seems like a far cry, please hold on!!! The RAIN is coming!! I strongly believe for me & encourage you to believe for you!!



Wednesday, 30 January 2019

Rhema

Sometimes we experience fear.....


But at those times, may God's word & past victories assure us that all things will work out for good!




Image result for ps 27 v 1
Photocredit: meaningful magnets

Friday, 25 January 2019

Tuesday, 15 January 2019

Don't waste your time fasting!

If you are a follower of Christ & believer of the gospel, then your relationship with Christ should be more about intimacy with Christ & as we get intimate, we understand His purpose for our lives, we begin to hear audibly from Him & through love, the Holy Spirit enables us to model our lives in ways that are pleasing to Him.

January is a time of fasting for most people/congregations. However as I dwelt on fasting & its purpose last week, the holy spirit dropped this in my heart.

Whatever you do for the Lord, make sure your motive is right...



Sunday, 13 January 2019

Don’t meddle in other people’s business!

It should be no news if you follow this blog that UCB is my favourite devotional. I have been reading UCB devotional for over 15years so that  goes to show how this devotional has become a part of me. A few days ago, "minding ones business" was the topic which I couldn't agree more with. I always pray to God for understanding to know what to pursue and when to let go... so this here speaks my mind. 

This week I hope a thing or 2 from this devotional guide your decisions....



One day Peter looked at John and said to Jesus, ‘What about him, Lord?’ Jesus immediately rebuked Peter and said, ‘What is that to you? Just follow me’ (see John 21:21-22). Now, if the apostle Peter could get into trouble for meddling, any of us can. The issue here isn’t about helping others; it’s about knowing when to stay out of the middle and mind your own business. Sometimes we jump in and try to solve problems without being asked. And not only are our efforts fruitless, they’re resented. As you become spiritually mature and get over your need to ‘fix’ everybody, life becomes simpler. Now that you’re not ‘butting in’ where you’re not invited, you’re more available to help where you’re really needed. Not meddling, however, goes beyond avoiding the temptation to police, enlighten, or rescue others. It means not eavesdropping, gossiping, talking behind people’s backs, and needing to figure everybody out. 



Image result for mind your own business
Photocredit:Thinktesting.com





Recognise any of these traits in yourself? If so, deal with the problem before it costs you the respect of others. Do you know why we focus so much on other people’s shortcomings? You’ve guessed it – to keep from having to look closely at ourselves. The only thing you can change about others – is your attitude towards them. Paul writes, ‘Some…among you…are busybodies. Now those who are such we command and exhort…that they work in quietness’ (2 Thessalonians 3:11-12 NKJV). One counsellor says: ‘Being a peacemaker doesn’t mean we get in the middle. We are bearers of peace by staying peaceful ourselves…not harbouring turmoil…not causing the extra chaos created when we get in the middle of other people’s affairs and relationships.’


https://www.ucb.co.uk/word-for-today/24670

Saturday, 5 January 2019

Travel Light...

I always marvel when I see backpackers. I tell my friends who are of a different race from mine that I can't do it and I ask them how they have been able to cope. I am the sort of a girl that comes to your house for the weekend and by the time I arrive at your door step, I arrive with a suitcase that makes you think that I am practically moving in with you😃.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my mum and we were comparing & contrasting various cultures and its evident that peoples' perception & attitude to life is a reflection of the influence of culture. Some are ambitious & even borderline over ambitious, some believe in amassing wealth & the constant need/pressure to acquire more & more without limits but for others clutter spells disaster & its seen in how they live, what they need & what they acquire.





Yesterday I was going through my winter coats & there were some that I had not worn in 5 years!! I looked at them, smiled & put them back in position. I could not get myself to give them out & I ask myself why?? Especially seeing that I don't live in a mansion & I seriously need to de-clutter! If you ask me, that's a problem there!

Apart from possessions, what are you travelling with that is making your journey herculean? Is it bitterness, unforgiveness, jealousy, strife, unhealthy competition or even unhealthy ambition?
In 2019 forget about joining the bandwagon of those who say 2019 is going to be a fabulous year... its become so cliche! Rather let this be the year that you detox spiritually! Get rid of the lying, bitterness, strife, unforgiveness & the likes.... In essence in 2019, Travel light.... concentrate on what truly matters & will still matter in the next 2,5, & even 10 years & beyond!


May 2019 be your year of growth...

xx

Elly

On replay...

Featured post

People Collector!

If I have not learnt a lot in life, I have learnt that every single thing as well as every single person in our lives, happens for a reason....